Posted in Humor, Life

How I became Cat-Man.

I tell you, sometimes I just wish I had stood in bed. I understand what that means and I am sure you can decipher it. There are just some Southern expressions even I am not quite sure of how they came about. I can pretty much figure out where some came from, because  lot of them make sense. Stood in bed? Not sure about that.

But as I am speaking this it’s late on Friday night. Yes, I said speaking. You see I have voice to text so I can still write when the hands are bad and well . . . let’s just say right now is one of those times.

Back before my accident I was a dog guy. Loved dogs, English Bulldogs especially for an obvious reason.

UGA VIII

But I grew up with Shelties. My parents and I had three through the years. One of the best dogs you can own. If you don’t click the link, think miniature Lassie/Collie. But for some reason they have  toy poodle now that is not so toy and very much poodle.  But my son ‘B’ is allergic to dogs so no more dogs and to be honest it is selfish to own a dog when you don’t have time to properly play with it and give it the attention it needs.

Gray cat with glow in the dark green eyes.

Then the accident, the fall in my home. Well one day I was looking out the window and saw a cute little creature, a cat. She was so tiny and adorable. I say she now because many of you have heard of Kitty and seen her. Kitty was at first named Alfred or Albert, I can’t quite remember, whatever comes in a can. I bit of humor that amused me. Well it became obvious that Albert was not an Albert. It became obvious when “Daddy” kitty showed up. He was not known as “Daddy” kitty at the time. He was known as “that” cat. Kitty was only allowed to stay because I loved her and she was the first thing that had made me venture outside and enjoy life. Oh those feminine wiles.

As you probably know, Kitty decided for some reason to have children.

Kitty And the Crew - CopyCautious in the back being, well cautious.

Fluffy (Dark coloring)

Spunky-The ever alert.

And of course Kitty who looks very much dazed here.

Yes they all earned their names.Spunky_loving_B

Kitty will no longer have children. As she is an outdoor cat, especially, that was taken care of. The idea was to give the kittens away. Suddenly ‘B’ became fond of Spunky. I must say if you met Spunky you would be fond of him too. Yes, that is Spunky loving on B’s foot. Spunky also comes when calls,  or whistled for and likes to play fetch. He also likes to walk to the mail box and back with you while winding through your feet. No, we have not seen any white dogs in the neighborhood.

The morning of what has come to be known as Cat Friday began normally except I slept a little later as I had no reason go arise and help get B going for school. The house was going to gather two cats to take to the vet to ensure no children in the future. I know, there are three, but remember, Cautious earned his name.

Apparently two adults cannot successfully wrangle two cats. Oh sure, anyone can pick Spunky up and put him in a carrier. The only thing is you must be able to handle the heartbreaking “Neoo neoo” sound. Yes, he sounds like he is saying “No, No” and you wish you could die then and there but you must push onward. Then it came time for Fluffy.

Fluffy Kitten CatFluffy is larger than this now. Gorgeous cat. Beautiful markings and these gold colored eyes. Looks all sweet and cuddly doesn’t she? After two adults returned from the vet after dropping off two cats the comment of choice was “If I could tape a $20 to her head for someone to take her I would.”

You see, Fluffy might should have been named Feisty, or perhaps Tiger, or Berserker. Yes, cuddly looking kitty is not so cuddly. However in recent weeks she has agreed to be petted. Epic failure occured and then that is when I arose from slumber.

It was now my turn to capture the Fluffinator 3000 Blender. I had not been told at this point she had already escaped and almost clawed one of the aforementioned adults. The plan was made and I patiently outlasted FluffBotKillRon Mark V. I scooped her up, and held her close. There success ended.

The idea was for the door to be opened and I allowed inside to place the beast precious kitty into the carrier. They know what a carrier is so it could not be outside. I say “Open the door”. I hear “B, get out of the way.” At that moment I knew trouble was afoot. I had only seconds from capture to carrier before cuckoo  occurred. Those seconds had passed. The screen door opened and in a I went.

So near yet so far. The claws engaged. The squirming commenced. Assistance? Epic Fail!

The adult assisting and that had said  thew words “B, get out of the way” belong to a soon to be 70 year old 5 foot tall woman known as Grandma. After all once you have a child, no one has a proper name any longer. Grandma is the one that helps drive me places and the like and watches me during the day and we are staying with her since my accident.

As she proceeded to lock the back screen door and then close the door, yes I did say what you think you read, Fluffykins becomes FluffyInsanity. I was going to say Fluffynuts but I didn’t think that sounded right for some reason. As soon as the outdoors disappeared that was the beginning of the end of what should have been a pleasant morning and day.

Before I describe the end, I will simply say people will ask why I did not release the beast. Well, if I had the beast would have sprang onto Grandma’s head and face. Grandma has Lupus and perhaps Fibromyalgia as well, among her other problems. Yes, my mind works like that and as well as it is my fault Kitty is there and thus the kittens are there and that if I let her go and she somehow got out of the house we would never catch her again. Yes, I really did think of all of that in the seconds of the fight that occurred.

I won the battle and the war. I won it for love these cats and my son’s fondness for them. I was close to 100% anti cat before my accident. Then I fell in love with Kitty.

Right arm:

Scratches from the elbow down and possible bites. Too many to tell which are which. Back of hand looks like fang marks could be claws but considering the pain I think it’s a bite. Fingers scratched up and bitten.

Left arm:mummy

One scratch on actual arm, index finger bitten in several places. Thumb, the base of the nail is cracked and the underside of the thumb where the bottom tooth tried to meet the top tooth is extremely swollen and red and I must admit painful.

Chest:

Scratches

Face:

Scratches and bite marks including a bite on the bottom lip.

Why did I not let her go?

What she did to me could have been done to a 70 year old woman with immune problems. All I did was hold on and pull Fluffy back as she almost escaped and leaped on Grandma. As she bit my lip I closed my eyes in the hopes they would not get clawed. As she was biting down on my thumb assistance, Grandma, finally made it to the carrier and I was able to put Fluffy in.

Needless to say that B saw it happen. He saw the blood on my face and arms and hands. He has been worried all day.

Two cats will be picked up tomorrow, one will hide for I don’t know how long or will disappear until hungry. All I care is that she is now taken care of and wont’ contribute to the population and won’t have to fend off the cats that have been coming around.

Spunky will walk out of his carrier and head to the back door for a treat. Yes, he has been to the vet a couple of times before. He just doesn’t like the trip, but loves the attention he gets there because he is so pretty and loves on everyone that will touch him.

What would I do differently? Things happen. B was curious. Grandma is old and has a habit with the back door. Fluffy was defending herself. Why am I not at the hospital? Fluffy would be put down if I went.

So what would I do differently? Have had someone taping the whole thing. I really would like to see what it looked like as Fluffy bit my lip. You know men always want that woman to get all frisky and attack them and kiss them and bite that lip. Men, let me tell you, go to your own version of the vet and get yourself taken care of so you don’t want that kind of loving any longer. Trust me, it’s not as all that as you think.

Articles may be slow in coming for the next week or so, but I will try to keep up my pace. You know me, I find a way. Where there’s a pill, there’s a way. A little medication joke there. (Yes, next time the furry bag of bones is getting a dose of something in her cat food, yes she is, the adorable little thing.)

Meowch Respect

Cat Man Ronovan

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Author:

Ronovan Hester is an author, with a debut historical adventure novel Amber Wake: Gabriel Falling now on available on Amazon in paperback and Kindle. "5.0 out of 5 stars: Now, I want to warn you… this is not your typical pirate tale! It’s BETTER!" "5.0 out of 5 stars: Totally unpredictable and a real gem of a discovery - Highly Recommended" "5.0 out of 5 stars: An action packed journey to piracy and revenge – all in the name of the crown, queen and county – set in 1705." He shares his life of problems and triumphs through his blog RonovanWrites.WordPress.com. His love of writing, authors and community through his online world has led to a growing Weekly Haiku Challenge, Weekly Fiction Prompt Challenge, and the creation of a site dedicated to book reviews, interviews and author resources known as LitWorldInterviews.com.

6 thoughts on “How I became Cat-Man.

  1. “FluffBotKillRon Mark V. I” hahaha

    Very considerate and brave to hold onto the Fluffinator 3000 Blender so Grandma didn’t get attacked and hurt instead. Hope the scratches and bites heal quickly! Feel better.

    Like

  2. Have loved cats my whole life trip to the vet notwithstanding. Great post. My wife and I rescued five feral kittens and their mom. Mom fixed and turned out. The kittens bottle fed from two weeks old and three of them adopted by like-minded neighbors. The two are still with us after thirteen years. (in fact Frankie the male is looking at me since he knows I am writing about him.)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. They do really know when they are being talked about. When they came home today, Fluffy was a bit hesitant but is okay and Spunky loved on Grandma’s shoes and followed her to the bird feeder to help. He likes to taste the bird seed.

      Like

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